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There's never been a better time to own a PSP!!
Ikki Tousen: Eloquent Fist
”Obey the fist!”
This is based on one of those anime shows that knows exactly the fans
want, and gives it to them: panty shots and bouncing boobies. Eloquent
Fist brings this delicious exploitation to the PSP in the form of a
hybrid fighting/adventure game. 15 of the show’s saucy schoolgirls will
star, high-kicking their way into gamers’ hearts.
This game promises to deliver the most eloquent fisting on the PSP.
Star Wars: The Force Unleashed
That’s not true! That’s Impossible!
Here’s a thought: If Michael Hutchence had been able to use Force
Choke, maybe he’d still be alive. His control over the Force would have
lapsed the moment he lost consciousness, you see. Oh well. It’s a
shame, because he’s missing out on an edgy new action game set between
the Star Wars trilogies. As Darth Vader’s secret apprentice,
Starkiller, your mission is to use your force powers and Lightsaber™ to
rip the galaxy a new one.
The PSP, PS2, and Wii versions are being coded right here in Australia
by Krome. Best of all, George Lucas has nothing to do with it — he’s
too busy wanking himself to death.
LEGO Batman
Why so serious?
If you thought Spider-Man had a problem with Femme Fatales, you should
see Batman. As Bruce Wayne, the hottest dames in Gotham City throw
themselves at his feet. And as his crime-fighting alter-ego, crazy
broads in tights keep trying to throw him into vats of acid.
Menacing molls confirmed for Lego Batman include Poison Ivy, who can
brainwash men with a single kiss, and Harley Quinn, the crazed
hench-wench of The Joker. Come to think of it, those two were close in
the comics — really close. Even if it’s all depicted with LEGO bricks, we’d like to see this relationship further… explored.
Patapon 2
Rip the Dreamtime a new one.
Pon, pon, pata pon! Pata pata pata pon! Nothing bores into your brain
quite like Patapon, a God Game RTS where you control little village
people with a congo-bongo tribal beat. The gratification is instant,
too: the more excited your Patapons get, the harder they thrust their
spears and slash with their axes. The original had the catchiest audio
on the PSP — the sequel promises to be pure aural sex.
Echochrome
Logic has no face
You only really learn that your body is out of shape when you try to
use it — the same goes for your mind. While the graphics are simplistic
and the sound is soothing, the gameplay is scientifically designed to
hobble your mind with the sledgehammer of logic.
It’s peekaboo in reverse: changing your perspective of the game world
actually changes how it functions. If an obstacle is hidden, it no
longer exist. If you swing the camera around so that one object looks
higher than another, then it IS higher. Perhaps not as intense as
Russian Roulette, but either way it’ll scramble your brains.
LocoRoco 2
This is how we roll.
The blobby world of LocoRoco breaks our brains. Rather than moving the
main character around, you move his entire planet. Holding down the
left and right shoulder buttons doesn’t just tilt the view, it tilts
gravity along with it, hurling your hero through fruity alien
environments. The challenge doesn’t end there — you can split your
LocoRoco blob into an army of smaller blobbies, thus working your way
past the more difficult obstacles.
In other words, it plays like Archer Maclean’s Mercury, only in 2D. The
visuals? What a crackhead sees when he reads a Mr. Men book.
Naturally, the Japanese loved LocoRoco so much they made him the
official mascot of the PSP. The confirmation that this game is getting
a sequel in time for Christmas is joyous news indeed.
Kingdom Hearts Birth by Sleep
Not your typical Mickey Mouse fantasy game.
From Square Enix comes a prequel custom-built for the hardest of the
Kingdom Hearts hard-core. Birth by Sleep will resolve many of the
unresolved questions of the series, telling the story from the
perspective of Terra, Ven, and Aqua — minor characters from Kingdom
Hearts II Final Mix.
No Kingdom Hearts game would be complete without the inclusion of an
inexplicably diverse selection of Disney characters — the cast will
include King Mickey, Donald Duck, Goofy, Hercules, Cinderella, and
Aladdin. Oh, and it’s all rendered in the state-of-the-art engine from
FFVII: Crisis Core. We’re not sure what Uncle Walt would make of this
latest twist on his legacy, but the man had an eye for epic profits —
we suspect he’d approve.
Destroy All Humans! Big Willy Unleashed
”Grease me up, woman!” The creepy thing about Stockholm Syndrome
is that it exists, and that it works — captives often fall in love with
their kidnappers. To wit: Locomotive Games is putting a kinky take on
the famous story of Patty Hurst in Big Willy Unleashed.
Alien invaders Crypto and Pox are back, taking over the 70s via a chain
of Big Willy restaurants. Their secret ingredient? Human flesh! Yet
kidnapped heiress ‘Patty Wurst’ has discovered their secret, and along
with the diabolical Kolonel Klucken is out to stop them. Violence
ensues.
The franchise’s signature plays style will return, with a mix of combat
both on foot and in Crypto’s UFO. You’ll also be able to stomp around
in Big Willy himself, a giant novelty fast food chain character — a bit
like in that Simpsons episode where all the giant mascots come alive.
Spider-Man: Web of Shadows
“Parker! Get in here!”
The ladies love Spider-Man. His powerful web fluid can stick to
anything, and his tingling Spider-Sense ensures he can always thrust
his fists exactly where they’re needed. But Web of Shadows adds an
extra twist — Venom is back, and Peter Parker now has an alien parasite
on his back.
What’s more, everyone in New York is being infected by Venom’s blobby
alien friends. The action will be free-roaming, and Spider-Man’s moral
choices will affect the game’s conclusion. If this sounds more than a
little like Sierra’s PROTOTYPE, then you’re right — only instead of
tussling with generic soldiers you’ll go toe-to-toe with the Kingpin,
Vulture, and Wolverine.
Reports suggest that Black Cat and Mary Jane Watson will be getting Venom’s black goo makeover, too — saucy!
Phantasy Star Portable
The Matrix has you
Could this be bigger than Monster Hunter? In Phantasy Star Portable,
the co-op RPG grinding style of PSO will make the jump to PSP wireless
communication. The game will feature all the content from Phantasy Star
Universe and the Ambition of the Illuminus expansion, packaged in the
unique techno/fantasy style that has made the series a cult hit.
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